I did it, and He forgave me.

May 7, 2023

Trigger Warning: Today's Post is about Abortion

I know the current hysteria in America is a mix of abortion or "reproductive rights" and gender identity. I will not be getting into the gender topic on this post, that's for another day. Today's post has to do with abortion; more specifically, my abortion. Yes, you read that right. I had an abortion.

I made the decision to have sex with my oldest son's father in 2016 when I moved to Akron, OH. I was in a very vulnerable position in my life at this time. I had just broken up with my boyfriend back in Cleveland and I had a lot of drama surrounding that because of my ex-girlfriend. Yeah I know, I'm a mess. I clearly didn't know Jesus back then based on my life choices. Anyway, I decided to get back with my son's father (bad idea btw). We had sex 1 time and I immediately got pregnant. I knew I wanted another baby, and I wanted my kids to have the same dad. Unfortunately my ex wasn't a great person. I knew he wasn't a great dad and I foolishly got knocked up by him again. What was I thinking? Well, I wasn't, clearly.

"You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb." Psalm 139:15 (NLT)

Before I found out I was pregnant, I found a club to work in that was close to the apartment I was staying in. When I found out I was pregnant, at first I was happy about it. I thought I was doing the right thing, and my son was going to have a sibling. Well, I was wrong. I shouldn't have gotten back together with my ex, he was a controlling, manipulative, horrible person, who always played the victim no matter what he did to me. I met my husband in the club I was working at and we had gotten pretty close. When I found out I was pregnant, I told him immediately, and I told another guy I was seeing at the time too (I know, a whole mess). My husband sort of made the suggestion to me, and I agreed, I should have an abortion. Let me make something very clear, I did not believe in abortions and I knew it was wrong. I also thought about the baby growing inside me. What kind of mother could I be to that baby? What kind of father would that child have? To answer the last question, he or she would've had a deadbeat father and they would've had abandonment issues like their older brother. I didn't want that for that baby. So I had the abortion.

"You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded in yourEvery moment was laid out before a single day had passed" Psalm 139:16 (NLT)

I was given the abortion pill. The guy I was seeing at time took me to the clinic and brought me back home that day. I didn't feel much until later that day. I went to the bathroom and felt the fetus leave my body. I immediately broke down in tears because the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin. I cried on and off that whole day, and the next day I went on with my life. It wasn't until earlier this year that I started to be convicted again. Once Roe v. Wade was overturned, the Holy Spirit really showed me the magnitude of my sin. I killed my baby. I selfishly got pregnant, and selfishly had an abortion. Or at least that's what I told myself. I didn't know God would use this horrific moment in my life to enlighten others about their choices. That's the point of this post. Abortion is murder. When you get pregnant, that baby is alive; God breathed life into that child and they deserve to live. God has a plan for that child, and you do not have the right to kill what He has created inside you.

Proverbs 5:16-17 says " Why spill the water of your spring's in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers." (NLT)

If you have had an abortion, I want you to know that God will forgive you. You absolutely will be forgiven, only if you REPENT. You have to talk to God about this, and ask His forgiveness because the guilt and shame that comes from aborting your baby will haunt you. Trust me. It haunted me for two weeks while I was asking God's forgiveness. Abortion is not a topic that should be taken lightly, IT IS MURDER. It is not reproductive rights, it is murder and Satan will use this as a means to stop a new generation of believers from arising. The attacks on the unborn are frightening. We as humans are made in God's image, so naturally Satan wants to demolish us, and the best place to start is in the womb. Be better than that. Be responsible. Do not have sex before marriage, and if you are past that point, please be responsible and use a condom. Or just don't have sex unless you intend to marry that person. God's word is very clear about that.

"If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." 1John 1:8-9 (NLT)

God is so good and forgiving. After I had done this horrible thing, He allowed me to have another child. Yes, I had my youngest son with my husband, and yes it was well after I had him that I felt the Holy Spirit's conviction. Nonetheless, God has forgiven me. He WILL forgive you too.

This is me when I was pregnant with my youngest son in July 2020. Oh and my dog Bella.